I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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