Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
