I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
last night I used snow as a chaser
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
