awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
