Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
