he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is classic penis vs brain.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize