I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
