She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
