Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
