Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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