So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You were trust falling into bushes
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
