We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
