What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize