I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
