Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
