Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
