Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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