I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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