You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
