So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
