I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
