I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
