I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
