So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
