you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
