my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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