dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm like, not good at living.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
