so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He felt like a one man threesome
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
