Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize