omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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