she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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