HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
