I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
