I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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