I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
