I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
