I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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