wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
