Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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