Whod you bang
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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