DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
