Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
