Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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