I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
