Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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