There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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