Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize