This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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