I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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