lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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