Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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