i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
