it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
