I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize