dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
