Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize