I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
