Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
