My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
