Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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