drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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