i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
