Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
