Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
